When you’re a teenager who hates moving

I’m not proud of this, and I don’t do it all the time or anything, but the fact remains there have been a few dire moments in my life when I had more immediate access to a sink than I did a toilet and, figuring that all drains lead to rivers and all rivers lead to the ocean, I hosed down the sink. And if I’m being super honest, you can remove that “dire moments” bit from my explanation and just safely assume I was too lazy to go upstairs. In fact, my best friend in high school probably had more people pissing in his laundry room sink than in his bathroom, because you had to go up like 12 steps and then cross the kitchen to get to the toilet, but the sink was right next to the room we used to hang out in. When you’re a teenager who hates moving, there is no distance between 12 steps and a thousand steps. They are one and the same.

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